By Bill Wetzel
Like Kent Brockman, the author easily shifts his allegiance in the wake of the impending swine takeover. It appears he has fallen to…the pork side.
Well, it’s inevitable now. The swine masters will be here any minute and all of us are doomed. I think what hurt me the most was when The Who raised the threat level to Ludicrous Speed. I have always trusted Pete Townsend’s judgment and I will continue to do so now.
So that’s why I say this:
I, for one, welcome our swine overlords.
You will inherit record debt, a financial crisis, a pesky torture and reputation problem, but I have faith in you, oh piggish ones. See, as a semi-respected sometimes fiction/op-ed writer and a washed-up former high school athlete, I am quite well known in certain circles. I can use my influence and connections to help bring others into your trust where you can subjugate and bend them to your will. And if you choose to appoint me to a position of power among my people, hey, who am I not to take it? I will do whatever it takes to bring home the bacon for you… yeah poor choice of words….
Wait…Arlen Specter did what?
Ok, it seems like I jumped the gun a little bit. A RHINO has just become a DINO, meaning that nobody really trusts or likes the guy, but that makes one side a little bit more in charge than it was yesterday so, I guess I’m back on the human side again.
And to paraphrase the great Kent Brockman: I would like to reaffirm my allegiance to our country and it’s human president, it may not be perfect but it’s still the best government we have…..for now.
Author’s Website: http://www.myspace.com/billwetzel
Author’s Bio: Bill Wetzel is a Blackfeet Indian and a coauthor of the short story collection The Acorn Gathering: Writer’s Uniting Against Cancer. He has written for the Arizona Daily Wildcat and Red Ink Magazine. His latest essay about Blackfeet Indian author James Welch will be in the Studies In American Indian Literature series.